Boil the lo mein noodles for 1 minute less than the package directs, drain, rinse with cold water, and toss with a small drizzle of vegetable oil. Whisk together the soy sauce, oyster sauce, sesame oil, sugar, and cornstarch in a small bowl and set aside.

Heat a wok or large skillet over high heat for 1 to 2 minutes. Add the vegetable oil, then the minced garlic and white parts of the green onions. Stir for 30 seconds, then add the cabbage, carrots, and celery. Sear over high heat for 3 to 4 minutes, tossing once halfway through, until slightly softened with a little color on the edges.

Add the drained noodles and toss over high heat for 1 minute. Pour the sauce over the noodles and toss for another 1 to 2 minutes until fully coated and glossy. Add 1 to 2 tbsp water if the sauce tightens too quickly.

Transfer to a serving bowl, scatter the green onion tops over the top, and serve immediately.